Moths from Mars

Yes, it’s nearly Friday and it’s past Wednesday, so that means Friday Fictioneers time again. Pop over to Madison Wood’s blog to find out how to play by the rules. These are my 100 (bang on!) words, based on this photo prompt:

Moths From Mars 

A great mind is unbeatable, regardless of the vessel carrying it. Had I known, though, that this was the most terrifying creature Mabel could imagine, then I would have chosen better. It is regrettable that the form-adapting machine is beyond repair – having only two opposable digits was far better than none – but I am determined to make the best of it.

My telepathic powers forced a human to open the restaurant window, allowing Mabel and I to slip inside. We planned to wait for an opportune moment to strike, but feel compelled to investigate a mesmerising source of light…

The Awards Show

I’m wearing a very glitzy dress, because I own one but have very few occasions to wear it. I did my hair and I’m drinking a glass of Prosecco (in the absence of champagne or my preferred Asti Spumante – I’m high class).

Today, I was nominated for the “Tell Me About Yourself” award by notforallmarkets, a wonderful blog by a wonderful writer I discovered through the Friday Fictioneers page, over at Madison Wood’s blog. I haven’t even scratched the surface of this blog yet, but I particularly recommend this post because it is one of the most sensible blogs, about the reality of what our children have to actually deal with, that I have ever read and it confirms my opinion of Kathy being rather fantastic. Thank you so much for thinking of me and I am most humbly grateful!

I was also nominated, about one hundred years ago, for the 7×7 award by maturestudenthanginginthere. Jacqueline, I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to respond! This was the first blog I started to follow after coming to wordpress and, when she went on holiday recently, I actually missed her. Positive, inspirational, honest and just as Scottish as me, this is my “home” blog when I’m feeling low. Or happy actually. All weathers.

So, I’m going to combine the two, which is easy anyway. For the 7×7, I have to nominate 7 blogs I enjoy and, for the tell me about yourself award, I have to tell you seven things about myself that I haven’t already told you and nominate 7 other blogs too. The blogs are easy, because I’m following so many great people now, but the 7 things about me are difficult because I tell everyone everything and there’s not much left. Can I rehash stuff in the hope that some new people haven’t read it before and can’t be bothered scrolling back through my earlier posts? I’ll have a think…

So my nominations for both, simultaneously…

Brainsnorts inc >.<  A new follow for me, again due to Friday Fictioneers. I like everything about this blog: the writing, the attitude of the author in responding to comments on his page; the attitude of the author in commenting on other pages; the novels I’ve started reading that he has written; the navigation. I just like it.

Ironwoodwind Another Friday Fictioneers find. A fantastic writer and storyteller and, as is obvious from everything he puts out there, a very wise and inspiring man.

TheEquiaticBind for quirky, humourous writing and a definite watch for a future famous script-writer (IMHO). I’m very much hoping he’ll end up on the script team for Doctor Who.

EnvisioningFuture A very wise young lady who makes an awful lot of sense.

Brandon Scott, who is currently scaring the bejezus out of me with his horror fiction and upping my electricity bill from having to keep the lights on.

lessonsfromtheendofamarriage for being a centre of calm in the storm.

mightstainyourshirt for witty, random bits and bobs, recipes, observations and lots of interesting links to click.

And, last but not least (ok, I know this is 8 now):

smallvillagebigdog A very talented and well published author/ghostwriter, writing here mostly about Coco, her gorgeous dog. She also happens to be one of thee most fabulous women ever (she’s going to kill me, haha).

There are so many more I want to include. Next time…

So, 7 things about me(?):

1. I’m 33, the youngest of three children, born to quite horrendous, violent, abusive parents. We think we’re quite normal, considering.

2. My mantra, this week, is “Don’t dream it, be it” from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Last night, though, I dreamt that I was in an elevator, travelling to a very high story of a skyscraper and the lift became like a rollercoaster – I’ve decided not to “be” that one. I often dream about my teeth crumbling too. I might change the mantra.

3. I think it’s probably best to keep your weird dreams to yourself, for fear of boring the pants off everyone and perhaps being certified.

4. My prized possession is the silver medal I won in a taekwon-do tournament in 2009. It’s not the medal winning that mattered, it was the journey to get there, literally and figuratively (I started tkd in 2006, weighing 99kg, standing 151cm small – I’m the same height, but not nearly as, eh, cuddly). It was the first solo journey I ever made to a foreign country after suffering from agrophobia for more than 10 years.

5. I suffer fools quite gladly.

6. I’m grateful that some other people suffer fools gladly too.

7. This is my favourite painting. I did study History of Art for a while, but I can’t think of anything profound to say about this picture. It’s purely aesthetic pleasure, although I wouldn’t hang it in my living room. It’s called “Naked Young Man Sitting By the Sea” by Hippolyte Flandrin, 1836

There you go. Thanks, again, for the nominations and I hope you enjoy some of the other blogs.

A Most Important Missive

Dear Elves,

I am sorry that this is our first point of contact. I know that you normally deal with my wife but, as the breadwinner of this family, I think we can all agree that I am your actual employer.

I may as well come straight to the point: I am dissatisfied with your performance. I suggest that you treat this letter as seriously as you would a formal warning and buck up your ideas, quick smart.

My main points of concern are as follow;

I find myself, this morning, wearing dirty socks and my final clean pair of boxers. My drawers are empty, yet the piles of my discarded, worn clothing remain unmoved on the floor of the shower room and bedroom.  I’ve had to step over them on a daily basis and am quite distinctly peeved that you have not yet dealt with them. I have had to purchase two new shirts already this week, simply because you are shirking your duty. I paid for the washing machine and that is my part of the deal done. Even the children’s clothes are still filling up the laundry baskets. This really is too much.

I am also disappointed to find that the dishes remain unwashed. I had to actually force my oldest child to clean some today, so he could make breakfast. As for the meals, well, we are all becoming a little bored of hotdogs and beans, so I would appreciate it if you could resume your chef duties. We have also run out of milk. Breakfast cereal too. I did find some loaves of bread in the freezer, but those are almost entirely consumed – more than half of them for packed lunch boxes (which, I also note, have not been filled and ready for collection as normal every day).

The toothpaste situation is concerning - I have resorted to using the 0-5 years variety and, as you will appreciate, this is not doing my dental hygiene any good at all. Let’s not even discuss the toilet paper, although I am glad we still have a few spare rolls of kitchen towel. It would be much appreciated if you could magically restock the cupboards at the soonest possible moment. The grocery money is still lying on the kitchen counter, so you can’t come begging for more yet.

The dust is becoming unbearable too. I certainly paid for a vacuum cleaner, so it is readily available for you to utilise. There appear to be creams and sprays and cleaning rags under the kitchen sink (you’ll know where).

Bedtime is simply exhausting. My children are demanding stories, songs and to be tucked in. Sometimes they are requesting baths before they will settle. Their teachers are constantly complaining about unfinished homework and being late for school (as if it is actually possible for any real person to get them all ready on time in the morning!). This is all eating in to my precious computer time. As if it isn’t enough that I have to go to the office all day (when I am, actually, working) and scroll through Facebook for hour upon boring hour, I am now expected to sacrifice my leisure time to parental duties.

I understand that you prefer to help women with their chores, but it can provide no excuse for you to treat me with this level of distain now that she has gone. I did suggest that, if she finds herself frustrated with the lack of anything to do, thanks to you taking care of all the household and parenting duties, she could go get a proper job. She was displaying openly rude and ungrateful behaviour to me then, so I know it is thanks to your hard work that our children are so well mannered and polite. There – gratitude where gratitude is due.

Although we weren’t strictly on speaking terms before she went off, she was kind enough to answer, when I asked who exactly would take care of the household in her absence, that I should ask the “pigging” elves. So, here we are.

I will ask you kindly to resume your normal activities.

Yours Sincerely,

The Man of this Entirely Fictional House

Jellyfish

I woke up this morning with the most unusual feeling – happiness. Complete, blissful contentment, bordering on joy.

Unfortunately, that made me complacent and I thought it would be safe to have a telephone conversation. It wasn’t. You know the character from “Bridgit Jones’ Diary” they call the jellyfish – the one who makes seemingly innocent, innocuous comments and compliments, but actually they’re stinging tentacles in disguise? Well, it’s like that. Now I feel wrapped up in barbed wire again.

Making me happy though, is that I could have been able to go to a design conference in Berlin next month. I can’t. Reality bites, but that’s the way it is and I’m used to it, but the possibility is enough, in itself. I made it a possibility all by myself, independently and off my own back and, more than that, I know what I would hope to achieve and I know how I would make it happen. Doesn’t sound like much? Maybe not to some people, but for me that is a leap forward. Be convinced enough that you are nothing more than the sum of what someone else will allow you to be and you’ll understand. Spend your life supporting someone else’s dreams and ever changing life goals, waiting patiently for your chance, only to find that it was never scheduled to come and then you’ll be close to it. I’m beginning to believe in myself though. There will be more Berlin things to come.

That’s cheered me up a bit again. That and the sunshine, of course.

“He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty.” ~ Lao Tzu

Date Night

A priest used this in a sermon, a very long time ago, and it has always stuck in my memory:

“Mr Business went to church, he never missed a Sunday, but Mr Business went to Hell for what he did on Monday”.

This is what I think Mr Business does on a Friday. It might explain why I don’t often write poetry (or trust men that I meet in bars )

 

Date Night

The perfect house,

The perfect wife,

The perfect job and

A perfect life.

The perfect golfclubs,

The perfect car,

But perfect boredom seeks

The perfect bar.

The perfect stranger,

The perfect drink,

The perfect response to

His perfect wink.

The perfect backdrop,

The perfect stroll,

The perfect moon is

A perfect whole.

The perfect cliffs

Of perfect lime,

The perfect scene for

The perfect crime.

The perfect kiss,

The perfect cuddle,

The perfect threat then

The perfect struggle.

The perfect knife,

The perfect lunge,

The perfect push to

The perfect plunge.

The perfect screams and

The perfect wait…for

The perfect end of

His perfect date.

Soul Wars

Reading a great story for Friday Fictioneers by bridgesareforburning put me in mind of this. The story goes that these two churches were situated across the road from each other. I’ve no idea if it’s actually true (I hope it is!), but I laughed a lot.

 

Friday Fictioneers

My second attempt at creative writing, based on the photo prompt by Madison Woods. Every Wednesday, the prompt is posted and then everyone is welcome to submit 100 words (more or less) for a Friday read-fest.

The prompt this week is:

Caledonia

You enticed me to run barefoot through green velvet grass and stung me with hidden nettles. I imagined you laughing playfully when you revealed the first aid kit – dock leaves to sooth my prickled skin.

On warm April mornings, you sent forth the pungent stench of manure, wind tumbling down over rolling hills, delivering long-offending memories to my nostrils. You then used the fertile gift to turn summer days into mellow, floral rhapsodies of lavender and heather.

You enriched my eyes, but began a ruthless assault on other senses: flowing fields of rape, their golden sparkle flashing between each ferocious sneeze. The trees performed daily rain dances too, before beckoning us to shelter beneath the tender canopies as the gods answered in abundance.

Now that I am so far away from you, I have forgiven your merciless teasing.

A Few Monday Things

I can’t decide if my glass is half full or half empty today: the children are finally back at school, but I have been burning a fever all day and achieved nothing, except sleep. I normally don’t give myself room to be unwell and shake off any hints (sniffs?) of illness with the same dose of dishes as reserved for complete wellness, but sore ears will not be ignored. I do wish I had a happier excuse for housework avoidance today.

I’ve just been watching the news, listening to the latest threats of Greece being chucked out of the Euro for failing to agree on austerity measures again. Since #1 son and I were watching Total Recall last night, I can’t help wondering when the Eurozone will turn off the Greek air supply and suffocate them into submission. I am actually rather impressed that they are being so obstinate and refusing to do as they are told, while the rest of Europe is complying - with miserable consequenses for ordinary people - but I’m sure punishment for such public dissention to European stock markets will be swift.

After years of searching for a well remembered episode of The Twilight Zone, I have finally tracked it down on youtube and discovered the title: The Toys of Caliban. An elderly couple are living a weary life of worry, looking after their mentally challenged son, who happens to have a magical gift of manifesting objects he views in pictures. I was 7 when the episode first aired, so it clearly had a powerful effect on my young memory. The 80′s series is now available on DVD, so I shall treat myself to those and make sure impressionable little minds can’t get their grubby hands on them.

Off on the school run now: make up applied and looking alive. I don’t thnk I’m finished this post yet, so it might end up longer.

Still faffing.

Following Footsteps

With enormous thanks to theforgottenwife, who has, again, provided inspiration (also in the other blogs I’ve discovered through her, like this). I am not brave enough to try poetry, but I’ll give something a go.

For Friday Fictioneers, a blog by Madison Woods that invites submissions of 100 words, in poetry or prose, based on a photo posted each wednesday.

Here goes:

I will keep my own counsel.

As the clouds drift by and cast their shadows, where they mostly dwell, so shall I continue to dwell. I will not pretend Gabriel, nor shall I play Azazel, the messenger of Hell. I don’t know their intention yet.

I will watch the Moon, and exalt in its luminous glow, as much as the next man on this beach. I will share in the awe of nature – the tide has ebbed and flowed this day, as on any other – and I will keep my own counsel, while I seem to admire the natural order of the universe we know.

They are coming, but my lips shall remain sealed.

What’s In A Name?

I wonder what it is like to read about yourself as the subject.

I really can’t imagine how it would feel to be famous and have magazines and newspapers print dubious things about you in order to sell more copy. A double page spread of lies and heresay only ever warrants a tiny retraction on page 2 and only for legal reasons but, by then, the damage is done and the circulation figures have been upped. I feel sympathetic towards people who face this kind of thing on a daily basis – having their words twisted and quotes taken out of context. Unless they are politicians – then, on the whole, they should be more careful or hire better spin doctors.

Naming names is powerful. For me, it’s unnecessary and more than a little pointless anyway, because they will recognise themselves if they want to. It is satisfying enough. This is as much indulgence as I will give them, because it gets it off my chest and I can vent to my hearts desire. It is also a welcome distraction, because the children are still on holiday and, positive though it would be to write about our frequent visits to the park and nights cuddled up on the sofa watching movies until bedtime (after playing referee for most of the day, obviously), it doesn’t provide so much catharsis.

Having said that, I should definitely mention one of my wonderful friends who has been a mountain of strength and support, especially over this last week, going far beyond the call of duty, helping me unpack and gut out my house and spending her precious time helping with my never ending laundry. She’ll recognise herself easily. I won’t ever be able to thank you enough